The wrinkled retainer returns with a Peer-reviewed Peer

There is much ado at Tannochbrae Manor, because the Laird has once again disproved global warming. One equation is all it takes! And an article in a new Chinese science journal with some friends, and lo!

Take away that inappropriate and misapplied equation, remove the unjustifiable tripling and the climate “crisis” vanishes.

You couldn’t make it up1. Although the Laird is a past master of self-parody, his triumphant article at WND is really something else. But enough: there is much ado at Tannochbrae Manor, because Scrotum has returned!

It’s been nearly two years since the last of my Monckton tales, and fully six since Old Scrotum first trod the boards at Hot Topic, so it’s a great pleasure to see someone else picking up the characters and beating around the bush with a pheasant in the hand and a peasant in the pocket. Izen has summoned the wrinkled retainer from retirement in order to help him express his astonishment at the chutzpah of the good Lord in writing and promoting his latest opus, which is being widely greeted with yawns — and some preliminary debunking. There will be more.

There may even be more from Scrotum. I hear rumours that the Laird’s attempts at spoken Mandarin are not going down well…

  1. No, wait a minute. You can. He has. And I might be persuaded… []

38 thoughts on “The wrinkled retainer returns with a Peer-reviewed Peer”

  1. ‘You couldn’t make it up’ indeed!

    Since this is apparently the best that the True Unbelievers can do, when pressed hard up against the harsh reality of relentless warming made manifest in the non-El Niño warmest year on record*, it is little wonder that even the hitherto Most Loyal Minions of Chumming have become awfully, well, subdued of late.

    But, of course, looking like idiots is not only entirely apt, it is the very least they deserve…

    *Hilariously, and in a manner similarly beyond the reach of parody, reframed as the ‘mildest year on record’ by none other than Dr. Roy Spencer, I see!

  2. Monctons paper seems to suggest there cannot be rapid or significant warming because of his rather dodgy looking interpretation of feedback loop theory, however past climate change has a few periods of rapid warming of several degrees. Reality negates his junk science.

    Refer “abrupt climate change” on wikipedia.

  3. What a lovely load of utter tosh his Lordship has unleashed…

    I love this one:

    And the results show that absolute mean global surface temperature has varied by – wait for it – just 1 percent, or 3 Celsius, either side of the long-run average throughout those 810,000 years.

    … now lets see then, his Lordship quotes a variation of 3 Deg C in relation to the absolute Kelvin temperature of the planet here…

    Uh, how about we look at 3 Deg as a percentage of what separates us from the temperature at which water freezes, 0 Deg C….
    Lets see, the average global temperature has been in the range of 15 Deg C. 3 Deg would then be 20% of what separates us from a snowball Earth scenario….

    Or better, how much is a variation of 3 Deg in percent of the maximum permissible variation for a climate that supports 7 Billion + people and the strained ecosystem that is supposed to support the same. Many people would see it reasonable to state that 3 Deg +/- is 100% of the margin that separates us from either a severe ice age or a hot-house Earth unlike anything we would like to live in….

    The Lord’s collection of top hats and other traditional hat gear must have been made using Mercury treated fur as he is really mad as the hatters who made the same in the past…. 😉

    1. Thomas that is what I couldn’t fathom in Monctons article. His own quoted figures are obviously a climate problem. 3 degrees either side of the mean.

      He seems to argue feedbacks mean this will be slow or not more than 1 degree per century, but he hasn’t really proven this, and past climate change suggests otherwise. And we are also increasing CO2 levels at a faster pace than in the past.

  4. so it’s a great pleasure to see someone else picking up the characters and beating around the bush with a pheasant in the hand and a peasant in the pocket.

    Nothing like a pleasant pheasant plucker! 🙂

  5. Speaking of the usual suspects, I wonder what our wunderkind AndyS thinks of Lord Mocked On’s latest exercise in public mathturbation?

    Come to think of it, where is Andy these days – surely such a trivial matter as the warmest year in history wouldn’t be enough to put him off his stride?

    1. Yep, the Idiot Count is very low indeed all ’round, not just here.

      Apart for a few impervious incorrigibles (you know, the kind of codgers that used to witter on about The War, or Public Libraries and The Menace of Creeping Socialism, and/or the Sea Lions) they’ve retreated to their epistemic bunkers and are collectively whistling in the dark while waiting for a meme to save them.

      His Lordship’s latest walloping of the cod certainly won’t be that meme… but let’s face it, people, even you know no-one else is swallowing your guff!

  6. The Sceptics cant win on last years temperatures, so they are waiting for some other issues they can exaggerate into some controversy. Sort of like an animal hunting, stalking, tricking, deceiving.

    1. They’re dealing with the record temperatures by pretending that they’re caused by naughty scientists massaging the records – just like our tame cranks did for NZ. See Christopher Booker going bananas and Jo Nova leaping on the bandwagon.

      In other words, if reality becomes too uncomfortable, retreat as fast as possible into a fantasy world.

      Now that might work for the people already wedded to a world view where warming isn’t happening or only happening at Moncktonian speed, but I don’t think it will play well in the real world.

      1. Very true Gareth. Still the usual sceptics on this website are rather quiet in the face of last years temperatures, and are possibly waiting for some other issue before they pounce.

        I’m really amazed that people like Jo Nova are still flogging that dead horse. There is a study called the “Best” study that was carried out by sceptics to try to prove that the numbers were massaged, but it concluded the opposite. I believe the lead author has conceded there is no massaging of the figures, and that the temperature datasets are reliable. I suppose you know the study, but I mention it just in case you don’t. And to point out how absurd and childish the sceptics are.

        Another failing in Monctons calculations is that while global temperature fluctuations may be bounded by some ultimate constraints to about 6 degrees, regional heating can be much more, and has been in the past, such as the Arctic. This puts the Greenland ice sheet at risk. Moncton never thinks further than his nose, because his goals are really political and ideological.

  7. Speaking of matters concerning the peerage, please note that almost all Australians (including those inside the amusingly-named Liberal Party) are absolutely flabbergasted by Abbott’s conferring a knighthood on Prince Philip – I still half expect it to turn out to be a joke!…

    1. Ahem!! please note you are speaking about one of the 20 most valued NZers there bill!

      “Prince Philip, was made a Companion of the Order of New Zealand.

      The Order is limited to 20 living people at any one time, although additional members can be appointed on important Royal, State or national occasions.”

      Just shows its more a matter of who you know rather than what you know..

    1. Thanks for the link, Bill. I loved Monckton’s fawning “Clerk” and “supporters”, all of whom appear to share the same keyboard.

      Alas, the Discount Viscount’s neurological condition appears to worsen with the warming climate….

        1. OT, but very good news all the same – a climate scientist has won a defamation case against the denier press:

          The B.C. Supreme Court awarded $50,000 in damages to climate scientist Andrew Weaver in a ruling Friday that confirms articles published by the National Post defamed his character…

          Dr. Peter Gleick, president of the Pacific Institute and member of the U.S. National Academy of Sciences, said the ruling “is a victory for climate scientists everywhere.”

          There is “an extremely long history of efforts by climate deniers and contrarians to attack not just climate science, but climate scientists: to smear their scientific reputations, to distort their statements, and to make false and defamatory accusations… it should certainly put people on notice that there is a responsibility to avoid such irresponsible attacks and a real cost for failing to do so.”

  8. Now you’ve got me doing it :

    His Lordship sat back in his library chair behind the Ikea desk purchased by his father in the days when he , like his father before him was just plain Mr. Monckton- no peer he, and not a coronation chair to sit in . Still, his Lordship looked with contentment on the slim magazine that lay on the smooth leather surface in front of him. All was good with the world, he thought, let the policy mandarins try and mock him now that the peer-reviewed peer’s paper in a key Chinese scientific journal was about to overturn the world of climate science as soon as the Ching Dynasty regained the Throne of Heaven, an event his co-author Dr. Fu Manchu said might come any day .

    Once that happened , said the Chinesee pretender, who had summoned him to the stranger’s bar at Whites the week before to assure him his Northern Rock shares could gazump Dr. Michaels’ bid and ssecure the Viscount’s election to the enormously influential Editorship of The Bulletin of the Academy of Science of the Independent Khanates of Chinese Turkestan, the Sogdian speaking world’s journal of recordm with the highest impact factor ( 1.365!) of anything read over the breakfast tables of Hunza and Utz-Karagorsk.

    A warm glow of happiness filled him as he looked again at his published paper and took a sip of the golden liquid in the small glass by his side- an ayuravedic cordial distilled from the fermented urine of one of the sacred yaks of Gyantse, who grazed the Tibetan plain in contented expectation of reincarnation as members of the UKIP Science Board.

    Now that his editorship seemed assured, he wondered if his old Harrow crammer might find him a Sogdian tutor, for who could say what an Independent Khan might pay for an after-dinner speaker versed in both alternative medicine and the M-Theory of Psychic Reglaciation?

        1. Yeah, it crossed my mind that ‘Scrotefic’ might work better.

          (General question to the floor: did OS first make his appearance in ‘Sir Henry at Rawlinson End’ – certainly my first contact – or was there an earlier incarnation?)

          1. Rawlinson End (the place) first surfaced on the Bonzo’s final “contractual obligation” album Let’s Make Up And Be Friendly in 1972, but Scrotum didn’t turn up until Stanshall started recording new RE episodes for John Peel’s BBC radio show in 1975. Bits of those then became the first Sir Henry LP, released in 1978 (with Steve Winwood and various members of Traffic playing the music).

            The Peel sessions are extraordinary. I have the complete set on CD somewhere (I must remember to load ’em into this computer thingy), but you can find most of them on Youtube, or on this rather garish but comprehensive web page.

          2. I can confirm (through chortles) that Old Scrotum makes his first appearance 5 minutes into Aunt Florrie Remembers, the first Peel session, broadcast on October 27, 1975.

            And now I really must do some work…

            1. Upon further investigation, I find that Stanshall’s 1971 “Radio Flashes” series for BBC Radio One (he sat in for a holidaying John Peel for a few weeks, with co-host Keith Moon) includes use of the phrase “wrinkled retainer” – where one “Vince Vacant” is interviewed at the Wrinkled Retainer Club.

              On Youtube here – but the sound quality is horrible. I think I have a better version somewhere.

  9. I don’t like Moncton, but I don’t understand all this stuff about old scrotum and wrinkled retainers. What is a wrinkled retainer? I feel like I have entered the twilight zone.

    1. Well, for what it is worth I get it, but then perhaps these obscure allusions to an obscure band called “the Bonzo dog do da band” and John Peel have meaning to those that hailed from the Motherland and who are of a “certain age”

      By the way, I went to the same college as lord M and I also get called “Scrote” from time to time (not by him)

      Wheels within wheels. Paging David Icke….

      1. That would be The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, sometimes known as the Bonzo Dog Band, or – at first as the Bonzo Dog Dada Band (being as they all went to art college). Apart from Viv Stanshall, they also featured Neil Innes, who wrote much music for Monty Python.

    2. retainer noun

      1: a thing that holds something in place.
      “a guitar string retainer”
      3. a servant, especially one who has worked for a person or family for a long time. “faithful family retainers”

      I’ll let you take it from there, but you have, indeed, entered a world not un-akin to the twilight zone…

  10. Thanks for the tips.Old scrotum the wrinkled retainer and the bonzo the dog doo dah band are slightly before my time, never heard of them.

    Thanks to google I now know old scroum was the unusual half brother Hubert. I have always simply thought of Moncton as a half mad sociopath, so I think I see the connection.

    The bonzo band looks interesting and I will order a cd if such things exist. They appear to be a little in the style of King Crimson, or Frank Zappa, or Weather Report, who are worth a listen if people are interested.

    1. Look up “Rutland Weekend Television” on Youtube. Features Neil Innes, the Bonzos and Eric Idle in some of his finest post-Python moments.

      Innes’s “Protest Song” should be popular round these parts.

  11. @~Mnestheus
    “Now you’ve got me doing it :
    His Lordship sat back in his library chair behind the Ikea desk purchased by his father in the days when he , like his father before him was just plain Mr. Monckton- no peer he, and not a coronation chair to sit in . Still, his Lordship looked with contentment on the slim magazine…”
    Hah, just caught up with this!
    Immensely flattering to be channelled and improved upon, and good to see the John Peel sessions are accessible, that was my first exposure to the darkly whimsical and linguisticaly florid Rawlisonian universe.
    I agree that the Ikea desk would be more genealogically credible and it is good to get in Moncktons very Nouveau status as a member of the nobility. I would say in defence that the character in the story is a pastiche amalgam of Monckton/Rawlinson, and Rawlinson would have had his ancestors desk.
    But there is another element. Something I have observed, and is detailed is literature, is the different attitudes to antique furniture, and the trappings of nobility, by the ancient aristocratic families and the newly ennobled. The arriviste Aristocrats put much more store in the ancient trappings, they will buy the stately homes of the old aristocracy who have fallen into debt and refurnish them with all the ‘correct; original features. A classic Chippendale desk displayed proudly in the beautifully restored Robert Adams Drawing room.
    The Really old Aristocratic families also have a original Chippendale desk, bought new by one of the ancestors, and it is still in the house, but stuck in a corner of the Kitchen amongst the new Ikea breakfast table and chairs with all the household accounts pile on top. It is part of the utile infrastructure for the old aristocracy, not a signifier of their status as it tends to be fetishised by the newly promoted.
    This effect can take several generations to wear off.

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